Sponge bath it is.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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