Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
