I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
