I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
honey bunches of taint.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
