i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
