She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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