Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
