i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
