So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
