I think I won the penis lottery.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
40s are totally the cure
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
