My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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