I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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