so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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