the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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