I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
