Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
