Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
