put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
