Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
