I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
