I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize