the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
