We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
