Don't you send me to vm
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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