I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
