I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
