You can't special order awesome
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
