My room smells like vodka and shame
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
