i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
