Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize