I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we're making bets on your personal life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
