College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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