frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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