he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
