Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
