quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
