he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
