i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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