Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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