Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Houston, we have a blender
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
