Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
