Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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