Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
