I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
