I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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