I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
