Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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