I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
