yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
