I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
