Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
