I'm jealous of your bromance
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
