We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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