I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
