do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
