OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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