a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
