I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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