if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
