First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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