What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
