we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
