NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
