This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
