the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
