i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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