chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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