I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
