Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
