Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
