I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
