I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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