omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
