My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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