If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
