whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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